I

I am losing my perspective. It feels like losing youth & i'm freaked.
She was losing perspective. It felt like her youth & she was panicked.
I gain it back a bit by doing that. But i've lost articulation, that freaks me, too. What if i can't write anymore?
I type this with useless vision in my right eye, fatigued by a long day & i simply use the left without paying much attn to the cloudscape on the right.
oh, i've gotten over a lot but to what end? i have not truly grown because i feel less than what i was. does it matter that my self-satisfaction might have been built on illusion? or can those things change?
I don't feel like i've grown old but rather that i've lost my youth, i am no longer young. i will never accomplish those things of youth. I don't know if i know what those things are.
Maybe organization. A true grasp on life and knowledge. All the things I want to do & read & the little I do.
That I could change. I could not languish. I could try. because i am my own damn god.
it must come back and stronger.

Reality is all-encompassing: the absolute nature is one. Although we may feel separate from the original uncreated reality - whether we call it 'God,' 'peak experience,' or 'enlightened mind' - through awareness we can contact this essential part of ourselves. - Tarthang Tulku