the shits without the giggles

Depression has been waiting in the foyer for me. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, trying to get away, but when i took the spread out to the guests chatting in the living room, she slipped in and sat beside me.
Under her influence, i appear annoyed.
i'm not.
i'm almost apathetic.
but apathy doesn't feel like the small closure around a sinkhole in the heart.

Depression, or whatever this constitutes as, does not seem personified. Depression is the foyer. The functionless wasted space in life.

But there's this sunbeam that won't let me go. Latticed thru slats, it's just clearing the roof and from where i sit, is holding my cheek.
Warm, i'm reminded of early summer mornings, but it won't get too hot today. The weatherman calls for rain, rare oregon snow is melting. I will not suit up for a hike.

It started earlier this week, no, it started about 10 days before. I could feel it balling up around me. Others' response to me changed. That's how i see it. My reception. I wasn't being received in the same adoring way. Then real consternation occurred. So i sat in my room for a day & thot about it. I thot it was better or them or something. But it followed me last night and cooled the crowd of one.
So what now? More yoga? Balance this inbalance out in tricky-cat? Hydrate my sanity with 15 8oz glasses of spring water? Battle the elipical machine for 35 mins? Serve some plates down at the shelter?
I won't read. I fell into that trap already & slid down several notches on the "i'm feeling" scale. The meaningless suckage of the internet does not cheer. It never had that intent. Take this page, for instance.